If you are fairly new to your child’s diagnosis, life can become overwhelming very, very quickly. With both physical and developmental disabilities, concern for your child’s safety and well-being, both now and in the future, can cause worry and anxiety. It is extremely easy to forget the importance of self-care. In the case of our autism diagnosis, it means that we are in a state of constant vigilance. We can’t let Crash and Speedy out of our sight for very long, even in our own house, or else they can get into things they’re not supposed to get into. For example, someone has to be outside in our fenced in back yard with them every second, because they’ve both been known to climb over our privacy fence and take off across the street or, one terrifying time, go for a swim in the neighbor’s pool.
CTSD
Keeping your child safe from themselves can consume so many of your personal resources, rarely do you have any energy or time left to spend for yourself. All that constant vigilance is exhausting, physically and mentally. Anecdotal evidence suggests that many parents of special needs kiddos suffer from PTSD. One pilot study done on the parents of autistic children found that about 20% of their study participants show Post-Traumatic Stress Symptoms. One mom of a special needs child suggested that it shouldn’t be called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but Chronic Traumatic Stress Disorder, and I’m inclined to agree.
Use your charger
It is of the utmost importance that we as special needs parents practice self-care, even though it’s hard. Finding the time and energy to spend on yourself feels almost impossible. For me, it’s like I’m a cell phone at 1%, and there’s no charger nearby. I know I’ve got to find a power source quickly lest I crash, and of course, as we all know, once your phone crashes, it takes a while for it to reboot once you do find a power source. Practicing good self-care is like carrying around an external charger with you. A little effort to take care of yourself first will leave you more able to care for everyone else who depends on you.
Tips on finding time
Finding the time to spend on yourself is often the hardest part of self-care. Here are three ways you can eke out a little me-time.
Schedule it into your day like an appointment.
The larger umbrella term for this concept is called “time blocking”, which is a popular concept in the productivity world right now. I’ve been very successful using time blocking, but that’s a whole other post. The important thing here is to set aside time for yourself, preferably every day, but at least a few times a week, and make an appointment with yourself. Create an event in Google calendar, or write it into your planner, whatever you have to do, but treat it like an appointment so you won’t be so tempted to skip over it. It doesn’t have to take hours, it may just be 20 minutes to read a good book, but make the appointment with yourself.
Trade off time with another parent.
If you absolutely just need to get away from the chaos for a while, and I highly suggest that you do, see if one of your other mom friends can bring her kids for a little while and look after all of them while you take off for an hour or two. Then switch so she can do the same. I admit that I very rarely do this because looking after all three of mine is such a job, but I also tend to assume that people aren’t willing when maybe they are. It’s something I’m working on.
Look into local parents’ night out programs.
In our area, there are a couple of churches that host parents’ night out every month, and also a few gymnastics facilities that do them every so often. I would definitely communicate with them ahead of time as opposed to just showing up so that you can be comfortable with the level of supervision available, and so the staff can be prepared ahead of time. These are terrific for making sure you get a date night with your often-neglected other half because that relationship needs recharging as well.
Self-care wrap-up
As for what sort of things you do for self-care, it can depend on the person. Things like eating healthy foods, drinking enough water, exercising, and getting as much sleep as you can all fall under the self-care category. But it’s also important to take the time to do things that make you feel good and give you a much-needed break from the constant vigilance. Please understand that I know how difficult this is. I fight feelings of guilt when I choose to spend some time on me instead of something more “productive”. I have a long way to go before I perfect this balance of time spent with the kids, time spent working, and time spent on myself. We all just need to remind each other that it’s ok and everyone will be better for it in the long run.
In the interest of encouraging each other to practice self-care, I’m compiling a list of low or no-cost self-care ideas. Let me know what you like to do to take care of you!
