Dear Autism Mom, I see you

Dear Autism Mom,
I see you. It may feel like no one does, but I do.

“I’m JUst so Tired”

I see your exhaustion. The nights where he just can’t seem to settle, his mind racing at the speed of light, obsessing over whatever the newest “thing” is, his brain refusing to be calm, so his body must move. The early, early mornings when she wakes up long before the sun, creeping into your room to tearfully tell you she had yet another nightmare, “you know, mom, the one that keeps happening over and over.” Your frantically busy days, rushing from school to therapy to home and wondering if you’ll ever have a clean house or a decent meal together as a family ever again.

“I’m So Afraid”

I see your fear. Fear of the future, of what life will look like when he’s grown. Will he be able to have a job, a family, friends? Who will take care of him when you’re not able to anymore? Or even, a little closer to home, will he ever be able to attend a birthday party or go to a basketball game? Fear of the present, of the people at the store who whisper behind your back. Of your friends and family, passing judgment on your parenting and your decisions. Fear of the past, of the “how did this happen?” and “did I do something wrong?”

“I’m so Hurt”

I see how battered and bruised you get. How your precious toddler flies into a rage for seemingly no reason, needing restraint to keep her from banging her head on the floor, and amid the flailing arms and legs, you take a knee to the jaw and an elbow to your eye. How your back aches from lifting his exhausted body after the meltdown finally ceases. The migraines, the tension headaches, all the ways the constant stress takes its toll.

“I’m so Alone”

I see how lonely you are. How all the friends you once had have fallen away because your lives have just become too different. How, in the beginning, it hurt to say no when they’d ask you to go out, and how it hurts even more now that they’ve just stopped asking. How your life revolves so fully around routines and therapy schedules that even time with your spouse isn’t quality time. And, for many of you, your families are far away, and you feel so very alone in your struggles.

I see all these things. But do you know what else I see?

You Are Loved

I see how much you love your babies. How you would move heaven and earth if it means that they’d experience acceptance and that their lives could be easier for them. How you live for those little milestones that mean that they’re making progress. How you rejoice in those moments when they look into your eyes, even for just a moment, and you know that THEY KNOW how much you love them. And how you would dare anyone to hurt your baby and that if they do, they will know, beyond all doubt, why they call us warrior moms.

I see you. You are strong. You are brave. And you are so, so loved.

An Invitation

Are you feeling alone? Are you in need of support, encouragement, or a little positivity to get you through your day? Come join our community at A Break from the Chaos and let us try to lighten that load a little. See you there!